Posted On Sunday, April 8th, 2012 By Marko
Abuse – The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines abuse as a corrupt practice or custom.
There are many forms of abuse. The obviously extreme cases are easily recognizable. We normally associate it with domestic verbal, physical violence or willful intimidation. An estimated 1.3 million women are assaulted by an intimate partner every year. Every nine seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Men aren’t immune. A small, but significant percentage of abusers are women. Two million spouses are threatened by a deadly weapon each year according to the US Dept. of Justice.
Often in a public arena, the noticed abuse is of some form of power or position. I’m sure we can all think of one or two politicians forced to resign due to inappropriate behavior.
I won’t make light of the deeper levels of public or private mistreatment, But here I’ll be addressing the more subtle levels of the abuse of “loved-ones”.
Clinically labelled as Covert Abuse, it revolves around the assertion and maintenance of behavioral control. Where do we draw the gray area between appropriate and abusive behavior?
This mistreatment, we’ll call Broken Puppet Abuse.
Pull my strings, and then complain about how I’m a flawed, insufficient tool. This consists of setting impossibly high standards for the object of the abuse. I use the term “object” here on purpose. It’s an imposition upon the self with an expression of dissatisfaction. An attempt to control through oppression, suppression or diminution. Emotionally pushing someone down.
I’m describing the small jabs, the minor cuts. The abuse that we’re supposed to sit back and take. Our protest is frequently greeted with further abuse. This secondary abuse is in the form of laughter/disdain at our thin skin, or sensitivity. I believe this is all still an abuse of power, or position. It’s still unacceptable. Still abuse.
I worked for a broken puppet master for a while, only receiving feedback on any lack, rather than any praise for jobs well done. “Good enough for who it’s for, I guess.” After I’d accomplished a minor miracle… I protested, demanding recognition if he had anything to say. I’d suffered the emotional abuse of my controlling father, and so I knew where to stop the attempt. I’m the only one who has to approve of my behavior. Except… My wife and I dance the delicate ballet of independence and cooperation. We argue occasionally. But truthfully, WE argue.
The oppression invariably causes a withdrawal of some sort. The depth of the withdrawal seems to depend on the severity and frequency of the abuse. It often ends in divorce, either emotional, or legal. It doesn’t have to go that far, if there is truly a basis for maintaining the interaction. If the relationship doesn’t have some underlying foundation, it’s bound to collapse. But, with our own internal foundation, we don’t have to fall with it. That’s me, the carpenter talking.
What’s the solution?
The protest must come from somewhere within us. One of my favorite movie lines, is from Ghostbusters. “Back off, man! I’m a professional. I don’t have to take this. I’ve got dozens of people just waiting in line to abuse me.”
That sense of self-esteem must meet some minimum tolerance. Not too far away from a workable measure. With that, we need to add in a little bit of logic and forgiveness… Logic, in that everyone is different, and not all transgressions are meant to injure. We do have to take into account, or confirm the intent. An assault that’s meant to undermine our foundation of self-esteem always needs to be repaired immediately. What that reaction should be is up to your own judgement.
We all walk the rafters in our interactions. The level of cooperation versus the rise of self-esteem. Our self-esteem shouldn’t be the flat, all cooperation. It just doesn’t work. In carpentry, it supports very little load, and we fail ourselves. The again, when self-esteem is too high, it’s difficult to work on it. We fail others.
Posted On Friday, March 30th, 2012 By Marko
It seems that if you ask people what they desire, most will say that they would like a little more ____.
A little more what?
The mental definitions seem to be vague on specifics. Money seems to be the first mentioned, usually. I believe that’s because it’s the most solid in people’s minds as a path to fulfill other desires. Most people will admit that money can’t buy them love or happiness. But for some reason, it seems very important.
The equation seems to be that: More money=More comfort. This is true to a point. But the more things you have, the more they cost to maintain. So, more money… A new car isn’t new for very long. But a crap car is that way for a very long time. That big house requires constant maintenance.
At some point, you have to compromise. Do you sacrifice your integrity to make more money, or do you choose to want what you have? That seems to be a real issue with most people. Having what they want versus wanting what they have.
Many people envy the wealth of the richest man in our town. Others feel that he’s cheated them, taken advantage of them, etc. I think he looks tired and unhappy. I think he gives what charity he contributes, to settle his guilt level down to manageable levels. He still never really looks happy.
I guess what I’m trying to get at, is that all of these wants have a price.
To control others, you must essentially crush their will in favor of your own. Are you willing to have them look at you with hatred or lack of respect due to that crushing? The price is too high for me. I’ll go my own way, hope someone sees value in that and follows.
Fame brings with it a lack of privacy. Are you willing to pay the price? Are you willing to deal with scumbags who are trying to take advantage of your fame to make themselves money? If you’re famous, you’re a brand name, for sale.
The price of love… The idea that love is free is false. Most things that are free aren’t worth having. It takes as much effort as anything else that’s worth anything. At one point, I realized that I was petting my dog more often than I was petting my wife. Is it any wonder we went through a period of troubled relations? I wasn’t paying the price to have something I truly desired.
You can certainly have these things if you are willing to pay their price.
Posted On Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 By Marko
I had a dream.
And in that dream, everyone was in a fog. They were all staring at their feet, moaning wringing their hands and crying. “When will the sun ever come out?” There was a big, strapping guy there. He said,”Don’t worry guys! It won’t be long!” I looked up, and saw the sunlight. I began floating up. As I looked, I saw the fog, fall below me, and I was in the clear.
To most people, Heaven and Hell are merely concepts.
Heaven is some better place that they wish they were allowed to go when they die. But they don’t ever believe that they will be allowed to go there. Unless, by some self-righteous indignation, they believe that others are so much worse than they are, that they’ll be rewarded by default. But deep down, in the back of their minds, they truly don’t believe they deserve Heaven.
And so, they live in a hellish purgatory, in the hope that they might be rewarded through their suffering. Through fear, anger, hatred, eyes to the ground, pacing the room, the worry truly sickens them. It’s not just the worry of everyday life, but the worry of this, for eternity.
They live in the Void, that sucking space slightly above a living Hell, the nothingness. So that even when they rise up, it’s still nowhere near Heaven. And again, they drift downward into despair. The only hope left seems to be the repayment from Heaven for what they’ve denied themselves, Heaven itself.
The Creator within us is a sun, burning off the fog of the sins against ourselves. While those around us look at their feet of lead, wondering if the sun will ever come to deliver them from Evil, we burn with the fire from within. Heaven never was a place. To go there, be there.
Posted On Sunday, March 18th, 2012 By Marko
It’s too late.
The classical ancient lessons of being kind, and on guard against evil/bad behavior, won’t do you any good now. Either you have the lessons learned, and that’s how you are, or not.
See no Evil, See no impropriety -
Not taking offense with another person’s social graces, would equal a see no evil stance. The smooth functioning of a global society requires that we not take offense at an honest attempt at social interaction. This aspect seems acceptable, even desirable. When we see wrong behavior, and say nothing, we participate in that wrongful behavior.
Through a slight modification, I propose See only God. The presence of our Creator is all around us and within each of us. If that is what we look for in others and the world, that is what we will find.
Hear no Evil, Hear no impropriety -
Let’s not take offense at another person’s use of language. Whatever rough edges they may seem to have, is just a function of their history. It has nothing to do with what kind of person they are deep down. However, not wanting to know about wrong, even evil, behavior is like the ostrich with it’s head in the sand.
I propose Hear only God. The Creator will let us know, without a doubt, which we are hearing from those around us. It is clear whether something is wrong, or just incorrect.
Speak no Evil, Speak no impropriety -
Let us be mindful of what we are saying. We must try to accommodate each others’ language and interpret their intention. We all know the difference between right and wrong. Quit playing games. When someone suggests wrong action, it is up to us as individuals to speak up, and say it’s wrong.
Speak only God, should be the rule of the day. Go against these suggestions at your own peril. There won’t be any more Sunday morning saints. Right thought and behavior will be sticking with us around the clock these days.
There is a right way through the days ahead, and a wrong way. I see a separation of the paths.
In our minds, on our lips, and in our hearts. This is where our Creator must rest. If the Creator is not ever-present in your life, I believe you’re doomed. Not to be a fear-monger. You’re not doomed to death, destruction, and the fires of Hell. You’re doomed to paying for your thoughts and actions.
I see a reckoning ahead. There are two paths through the days ahead. With the Creator, or with the Destroyer. We must all pick our paths carefully.
Posted On Saturday, March 10th, 2012 By Marko
And a bit about the Government.
Here are a few of Pa’s rules about finances.
- Keep your rent/mortgage to one-quarter of your expected income.
- Keep a little saved for that rainy day. (Sometimes it rains a lot around here…)
- Never finance anything disposable. It’s usually gone before the payments.
- Don’t lend money. Give a fella what you can afford. Buy something from him.
- If you DO lend, live by the Jubilee. After seven years, it’s a gift.
- Be generous, help someone who tries.
- Discuss finances with your wife frequently. (That’s my addition.)
The average debt load per household these days, in the US, is right… at… $120,000. Though I don’t suppose the guy living in the trailer has one of those average $200,000 mortgages on his plate. It’s interesting, since the average income seems to be right around $47,000 these days. If my math is right, counting interest, cash back, airline miles, bailouts, annual fees, insurance… You should be able to afford that flat-screen TV when you find it at the dump.
If you really want to ride the credit merry-go-round, you can. But realize that you’re paying over retail for something that you could have gotten for a lot less, if you actually needed it enough to be willing to save up for it. It’s YOUR life play it how you see fit. I’m just not going to pay an extra 15% (national credit card APR average) to get 1% cash back… Thanks, but no thanks.
When I applied for my mortgage, the loan officer asked me to list my credit cards. I said I had. None was, in fact, the correct answer. When he checked, he found that I didn’t even have a credit score. It was the first time he had ever seen a “None” score. Please don’t think I’m putting anyone down for any of this.
My grandfather taught me a few things about the Government.
- Never trust a politician. Just look up the definition.
- Never take a government handout. There are always strings attached.
- “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.” Is a joke.
- Government is just a few guys telling everybody else what they can and can’t do.
It appears that the Federal Government is made up of average borrowers, consistently spending more than they take in… I’m shaking my head right now. Every person in the US owes a national debt of more than my mortgages’ starting balance. I’m not clear on what product I got for the $49,000 I supposedly owe. I guess it’s one of those financing of disposables, where we owe, even though the item is gone.
Who ARE these guys in Congress? Who cuts a pack of smokes from their budget, and springs for a trip to Disney World? Who takes out a third mortgage on somebody else’s house to buy a Rolls Royce? I’m leaning towards the thought that this is theft. I think we may be getting robbed. There are guns involved. You WILL get hurt, if you don’t give up the money.
Auto industry bailout on borrowed money? Where did it go when it was “repaid”? When you steal 40-60% of all the money I make, and then lie to me about what you intend to do, it doesn’t foster a feeling of trust. I don’t care who you are. I’d like to see a realistic Federal Budget each year, on time, that conforms to generally accepted accounting principles. I don’t need to know where every penny goes. I just don’t want so much of it to simply disappear.
When you look up politician in the dictionary, it says it’s someone who will tell you anything they think you want to hear, and go off and do whatever they want anyway. Sound familiar?
Somebody has to pay for your government handout. Then you can’t find out who to pay back after you’re back on your feet. You owe somebody, and they own you. The government can’t help themselves, but to help themselves to the money. So, by the statement that they’re here to help you/me is a joke at best, or a lie at worst. Any governance that isn’t imposed by the individual is a form of social control.
I see most religion as modified social control as well. Many of the teachings and rites have spiritual value. However, the majority of organized religion is, sadly, social control for the financial and political benefit of the few.
I am in no way advocating the overthrow of any governing body. I just don’t trust them.
There is no honor in them.
